Bringing Sexy Back: A Praxis of Writing

As far as research goes, today was a fair day. I did some reading out of Michael Warner’s The Trouble with Normal. I like the book and some of it has really useful ideas, but today's chapter will probably end up being useless for this project. I also mapped four of my main points that I want to explore and then tried to think of ways I could work toward proving them.

More importantly (and more fun) than this work, though, I also had a meeting with my advisor, Kim Rostan. I always love my meetings with Dr. Rostan. The great thing about having her as an advisor is she’s so personable and takes a genuine interest in my ideas while still making sure that I’m not making ridiculous, uneducated claims.

We talked about a lot in our meeting. I caught her up on my project, where I want to go with it, and some of the larger themes I see in it. She suggested some things to read, mostly Forster’s A Passage to India, a novel I knew I would have to read eventually (but that I’m nevertheless excited about reading!). But mostly we talked about ideas we have for future projects and our opinions on some literary theories.

At one point in our talk, I mentioned a project to Dr. Rostan that I was thinking about proposing for summer work. The problem, I told her, was that, while I liked my idea, I was self-conscious about if it would be edgy enough or if it would be something in which others would be interested. I wondered if I should modify it into a project that I thought would have more of a chance of being funded instead of something I wanted to do.

At this point, Dr. Rostan gave me great advice. She told me to trust myself and to follow my interests or risk stifling creativity for the sake of pleasing others. As she said, creative, well written ideas are often more interesting than something that may be edgier but less well written. And she assured me that my idea seemed interesting. As she put it, it was a “sexy idea,” and sexy ideas – which are often the best and most needed ideas – are only realized through self-confidence and risk.

I often feel like a very self-conscious writer and thinker. I worry if my ideas make sense or are even good enough to compete with a sea of thinkers who I think are more brilliant, edgier, and more eloquent. I think this anxious, self-conscious feeling is common for a lot of writers. Hannah, another researcher, recently wrote a post where she addresses some of these anxieties. In an attempt to combat these anxieties, she cites Anne Lamott, who suggests “writing shitty first drafts and letting go of perfectionism.”

JT ain't got nothin' on me

I like this advice. It requires the same confidence that Kim advocated to me earlier. Besides, if we don’t let go of perfectionism, if we fall victim to our self-conscious anxieties, how we will get anything done? Isn’t a “shitty” first draft better than none at all? At least that’s a starting point. If we can’t take a risk to write our ideas in the first place, how will we ever find the sexy ideas the academy has such a need for?

This Interim, I’m going to try to write, and to write boldly. I’m going to let go of my anxieties. I’m going to find sexy ideas. I’m going to bring sexy back.